first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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