I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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