You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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