im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
