Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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