need another drink. this is the easiest way
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
