I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
