how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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