So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
