her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
