hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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