Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
