I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
