It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
