oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
