Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
