so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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