apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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