No, you can still breathe under the balls.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
