Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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