I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
