I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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