i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize