I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
