just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
