You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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