you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
