I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
