i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
