I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
