i just had sex bonerless
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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