I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
