Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
