Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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