I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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