I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
