Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
