I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
