I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
