It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
