Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
