Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
