he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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