So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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