Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
