I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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