Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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