does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
