you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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