Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
