One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Michael Bay diarrhea
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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