i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
