So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
