I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
