Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
