i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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