if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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