Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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