omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
