Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I could make wine with my vomit
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
