Cold hands, warm shart.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
