break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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