Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
