She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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