I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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