She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
