Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
