When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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