I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
