Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize