This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
