I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
