The best revenge is premature balding
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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