I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
