Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
