I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize