I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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