Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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