Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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