Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
