I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
