im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i will never coherently bang her
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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