Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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