My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I love you. Go after that dick
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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