you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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