Michael Bay diarrhea
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
