The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
