I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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