Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
