I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
