so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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