I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
