You made me cry and you don't even care
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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