I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
