so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
